GoodBye to You
by Usako4life
Summary: Prologue Edited. IM BACK. Mamoru breaks off his relationship with Usagi because of his never ending fear of love. Too bad Usagi has had enough. UsaMamo fic.
1. Prologue Goodbye To You

Author's Notes:

03/25- Wow, guys I have not updated this in what feels (and probably is) years? I am really planning on finishing this, no matter how hard it is. I was looking over this specific story today and I changed a bit of the prologue and thought that maybe I should re-update it so that my reviewers realize IM BACK! And hey, if I snag some more reviewers well woo hoo for me. So, I will be editing chapter 2 this week, and chapter 3 will be out, sometime soon. I want to make it long(in my standards) and equally great to make up for the absence. Deal? Thank you guys for the wonderful reviews and support. Love yall.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. Someone much richer than I does. Nor do I own Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch.

Goodbye to You  
Chapter 1

**_Of all the things I've believed in  
_**

Dear Mamoru,

Before I start I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what you'll think and I'm sorry for what I'll say. I'm hoping you know that you made a deep impact in my heart, but the scar you've inflicted overtops everything else. Many might say that I'm a baby, that I'm immature. I would say "Screw you" to them because I'm tired, and there has been too many times in our relationship that I've felt that way. Tired of what, you ask? Well, I'm tired of the fact that you only see fit to love me whenever the hell it's convenient; tired of you only saying you "care" when you're asking for forgiveness. I'm tired of always granting that forgiveness without ever giving it a second thought. Well, guess what? I've been giving it more than a second thought, I've given it a third, a fourth, a fifth and so on.

I considered you my only love, something I never thought I would call anyone in this world. Yet you meant so much to me, enough to make me believe you were the one. And now I wonder why... Why was I so fooled into believing that you would want to be included in that part of my life? That you would want to fulfill a destiny with a clumsy idiot like myself. We met each other years ago. And in less than half of the first year you knew just about all there was to know about me. And now I question if you even care that you know so much about me. Does it even matter to you? Do you really care at all that Tsukino Usagi trusted you with her heart and soul? Well, I think I know the answer to that one. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. And it's about darn time I realized that fact. You don't give a darn about me no matter how much you say it. You've done nothing to prove it, yet I'm stupid enough to have done EVERYTHING to prove that you were important to me. Why am I so ignorant that I chase around for your love like a dog chases after its tail?

It stops today. Today is when I let go, what you asked me to do the day you broke my heart. Your wish is granted today.

But before I do that I have a few things to tell you. I have to tell you that yes you, in fact, have hurt me. Hurt me too much, hurt me SO much that there were days that I had to cry myself to sleep. Cry myself to sleep, Mamoru! You have been the cause of my lonely nights, the nights when I huddled in a corner of my room and rocked myself back and forth with tears streaming from my eyes and asking God why this was happening to me? Yes you, innocent little Chiba Mamoru, are the cause of my constant pain. Pain that surpasses the many deaths I have gone through for our love. Why? It's not like you ever loved me to begin with. But you, stole my heart and returned its shattered fragments to me. In my anger, I am letting out my deepest emotions, something you should never be granted, but I grant them in my haste to get this over with.

Now, I do have enough sense of mind to thank you, for the joy you brought into my life. But like everything in my life it's about time that it comes to an end. I appreciate you having made me smile those days I needed to smile, but it was you who was often the reason for my frowns to begin with. I realize that now. I'm not blinded by the love I felt for you anymore. True what they say "Love sometimes makes a fool of the smartest of people." But it seems you have used and re-used my love so many times that it has just burnt out. Mamoru, how could you have broken my heart in such a cold way? How could you have said that you no longer loved me? God, I loved you, Mamoru. Loved you more than any single human being could possibly love! Are you so blind that you can't see the things right in front of you? For crying out loud, I told you I loved you every time you hugged me, every time your lips met mine in a tender, loving kiss that warmed my soul. You, Mamoru, were the first boy to have ever made my heart pitter patter, and I'm sorry to place that burden on you, the burden of being a girl's first love.

The thing that pisses me off so very damn much is the fact that you say I mean a lot to you. That it was hard to have to break up with me. That when you had no one I was the only one there for you. You say all these things but you act so damn different. Why don't you treat me as such? As a girl who has never abandoned you in your times of need. Because don't think I'm going to be modest now. I will say that I should be slightly, if not grandly, appreciated for all the things I have done for you. I will say I have done A LOT for you. So much that there are things you didn't even know I did for you. And I'm pissed. Because although I never did these things for a thank you, I think I deserved just a little one. Don't you? Don't you think that the way you treated and continue treating me is wrong? Do you ever think, "Maybe I should treat Usagi a little nicer today?" Because I very much doubt you could ever think that.

You want people to consider you a cold-hearted jerk? Well, guess what? Your wish is my command. You are granted the title of jerk and so much more. There was a time where your happiness was MY happiness. A time when all I wanted to do was make you forget your horrible past, and let you know that I was here for you. A time when I couldn't wait for our future to start because then and only then would you realize the happiness I so wanted to give you. But now I realize that my happiness has never been any ones happiness, so why the hell should yours be mine? It's come to the point where my self content is much more important than yours. I may have become conceited, selfish, and whatever the hell words you can come up with, but frankly Mamoru, I just don't care! I very much doubt that if I dropped dead one morning, you'd care. That you would mourn the lost of your "princess". That my existence in this world makes half a difference to you. I've never hated you, Mamoru, because I always thought I was too good a person to hate anybody, no matter how mean and cynical that person could be. I was always told I'm such a nice, sweet, caring girl and so I lived up to that by only pitying those who did not have enough heart to be those things as well. But guess what? Things change. And you have opened up a new feeling to me, the feeling of profound hate. No not blind rage, because I don't think anyone can make me feel that no matter how much of an ass they are, but hate. So much that I wish to avoid you at whatever cost possible.

I loved you, no doubt about it. There's no denying. And I hate myself, for loving and hating you at the very same time. I wish I could hate you completely and feel absolutely NO love for you anymore. But I do. And that makes this all the much harder and painful. There's still a little part of my heart telling me that what I'm doing is wrong, that come tomorrow morning I'll regret it. But I would prefer to regret doing this, than regret not doing this. I'm cut in half between the part of my heart that will always continue to love you and the other half that hates you. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just so deeply hurt that I prefer to hate you then feel the pangs of pain at my heart. If I don't write this, I feel I will never forgive myself. Many say I'm a confusing little girl, but then I tell them I'm not a little girl anymore. I can't run around like a maniac anymore and laugh like a silly little school girl, because now I know for every mistake there's a consequence. And I'm paying for that mistake right now, the mistake of falling for a man that doesn't even love me enough to live up to the destiny we were given. Mamoru, you called me Usako, Usako damn it! Why, why did you call me that, if it never meant anything? You didn't love me!

I can't continue to wake up every morning and have you plague my every thought, I can't continue to love you the way I do because frankly, I'm just not strong enough. And maybe you haven't realized what this is yet. So I might as well write it out.

This is good-bye Mamoru. There won't be anymore 'Usagi coming back and saying she's sorry' because there is NOTHING for me to be sorry about. Don't worry, I won't attach myself to your leg and plead for your love. I will not pass by the Crown hoping to get a glimpse of you and you will not receive childish phone calls from me any longer. I give up. Do me a favor, and don't try to find me. Although, I doubt you will, don't try to search for me because I'm leaving. You will never have to see this little 'Odango Atama' EVER again! I don't want you to find me and attempt an apology, for my imagination has already come up with a million explanations, and none of them will ever be good enough. Not after all we've been through. So this is how I end it: with a letter and best wishes to you. Don't think that I wish your life turns to hell. My wishes are far from that. I wish many things for you; none of them are bad. I wish happiness for you and I won't be the one to give it to you. I wish your dreams come true and that your perfect girl comes one day because obviously I was not her. I hope you realize that Chibi-Usa will never be. That Crystal Tokyo will never be. That you and me will never be. Destiny doesn't matter. Destiny fell apart the moment you broke my heart. I'm out of here. I can't stand to look at the places you and me went together and realize that our love was a fake. That a millennium of fighting for this love was in vain.

I might be stupid for doing this and not having the guts to tell you face to face but who the hell cares. Don't think that I don't love you just because I'm doing this. Know that five years from now, I'll be remembering you as my first love. Know that as soon as I deliver this I will not look back. I don't say this in a mean way, I say it as a fact. So, have a good life, Mamoru. Thank you for the good things you did, and I'm sorry for the bad ones that you probably didn't really realize you did. If someone else like me comes into your life, do me a favor and treat her just a bit better. I doubt anyone will put up with things the way I did, unless they love you the way I did. I very much doubt anyone can do that. I won't delay this good-bye any longer. So I'll leave with these last words: "Sometimes love just isn't enough."

Wishing things were different,

Tsukino Usagi

****

**_I just want to get it over with  
_**

If you are reading this for the first time, please do not go on to Chapter 2 as I am planning on editing it and changing lots of things around. I do appreciate reviews and am highly motivated by them! And I realize that the first time I uploaded this chapter a lot of people were confused on whether there would be an story to this. Obviously there is. If you have any ideas or comments, feel free to email me cause ideas are DEFINITELY appreciated.

Belle


	2. In editing process

Author's Notes: Wow, guys I am so sorry. I know this chapter has been long in coming. But I decided to sit my lazy butt down and finish this chapter. It's been halfway finished for months. MONTHS! I got some comments about what Darien might be thinking.. But let me explain a couple of things. The letter is when Serena wrote it, it has not been delivered to Darien yet. I plan for this story to be very long, so Darien will come in eventually.. But you have to understand that she has to leave in order for the title to take place.. Umm.. GoodBye to you.. Get it? Lol ok.. But just so I don't leave ya hanging, Darien will come in at the very end of this. Aren't you excited?! I am! Ok.. So PLEASE review.. All the reviews I got on just my first chapter made me soo happy, you have no idea. Especially considering I just started writing a couple of months ago! Keep it up.   
  
Review Challenge for Chapter 2: I wanna go up to 20 reviews! So Im missing.. 10 reviews! Can u make it?? Go on don't be shy! ^_^  
  
Good Bye to You  
  
Chapter: 2  
  
Author:~Belle~  
  
********************  
  
A taxi silently drove throughout the cold Tokyo weather. It was the time of year that would usually foretell snow, but this year for some strange reason the beautiful flakes of snow refused to land on the Earth. As if some invisible force had decided that this year would just be plain, old, cold. The same sort of cold that lingered inside the hearts of many. The taxi slowly made its way through the empty Tokyo streets occupied by a petite, young lady with golden, long hair. If it weren't for the tears escaping her eyes, one would say she was young. But the tears that soundlessly made their way down her cheek gave her an almost old and ghostly look. The taxi driver would repeatedly cast his glance to his rearview mirror hoping that the crying had ceased. He expected her to be young and it frightened him to see the knowledge and understanding her eyes possessed at such a young age. She shouldn't be all packed to go, she shouldn't have to be forced to go out there and face the world just when she was beginning to know what it was to live. He suspected that she did not cry for her family, she did not cry for her friends, or even for a loved one, but he saw her cry for the world. She cried for their future, a future she could not change. Not anymore. She cried for the future of every little child, of every woman and man, and she cried for the future of one little girl who would never be. Her sweet baby girl, the one thing that she had felt was for certain, she had killed her. She had ruined her little girl's only chance at living. All the deaths of every youma she had every killed could never amount to the death of this one little girl. To the stolen life of a beautiful girl that would of been her daughter, to the life that would of grown in her womb if it weren't for that man. That horrible, horrible man.   
  
The old man made a left at a big intersection in the city, and made his way towards Tokyo Airport. He feared the uncertainty he saw in her crystal, sapphire eyes. The doubts that slowly began to linger with every street they passed. Her hands began to turn white and she slowly but fiercely made them into tight fists in order to keep herself going. She was being driven from this wonderful city by something much deeper than he would ever be able to comprehend. In all the years of his life he had never witnessed something so heart-wrenching as the sight of this beautiful lady, who was no longer girl, but not yet woman. Something inside told him to refuse her the ride, to save her from this horrid mistake that she would make in just a short hour. He knew that as soon as she entered the airport, she would not turn back, not ever. She would forever be changed with this single day. He dreaded that she might become bitter just like every other man and woman who entered the real world, especially at such a young age. But alas, he was not her father, nor did he have any right to warn her. He was just an old man driving a taxi, trying to make a living.   
  
As they passed by a large apartment building in the prosperous side of town, the driver clearly heard her whisper, "stop." He made a curve into one of the side parking's of the residence and got out to open her door. He suddenly had new hope, maybe, just maybe, someone in there would be able to stop her. Someone would convince her to stay in this city, and continue to live life with the ones she loved.   
  
"Shall I wait for you, miss?" inquired the aged man.  
  
"Yes, please. I'll only take a few minutes." said the girl as she quickly walked up the stairs into the apartment lobby and disappeared from view. To any of the spectators, they saw a girl who had her whole life ahead of her, few looked deep enough to see the truth. The truth was that she was broken up inside, her heart had been trampled on one to many times. Serena felt hot tears stream down her face as she clicked the button for the elevator. She didn't dare take the stairs for if it were up to her, she'd purposefully trip and die right there and then. She clicked the button to floor 11 and silently awaited the all too familiar 'ding' the elevator gave when reaching it's destination. She had visited this apartment none but too many times. And she let a sob out as she thought of the fact that this would be the very last time she ever walked into it. Out of all the times they had said Good-bye to each other, after all the deaths, she felt nothing would ever compare to this very moment. For she had never purposefully left and gave up on the one man that she loved above all others. But it seemed this was something decided by a far greater force than her. And even throughout all the other good-byes, she had never felt the sense of inevitable loneliness as she did now. For in all other times she knew that fate and destiny would once again bring them together in another time and another place. But this time, well, this time was different. Destiny had written out a path for them and they like fools had broken away from it's track.  
  
  
  
Oh yes, now was certainly different from every other time. This time there was no turning back. This time her mother wasn't there to find a happier place for her. This time there wasn't a powerful crystal that would grant her dying wish. This time it was just her and the world. Her and the world she had truly never been ready to face. A shiver racked her body as she thought of the cold nights she would have to endure after today. There would no longer be loving arms to enwrap her in their warmth whenever she felt like she wasn't worth anything. Her family and friends wouldn't be able to give her benevolent words of comfort. It was truly time to grow up, grow up and live up to her destiny. Everyone always told her what her future was, a grand beautiful life was ahead of her... but she always feared she knew the truth. Her destiny was a life alone, followed with the regret of the many lives she had ruined.   
  
'Ding'  
  
  
  
The sound of the bell startled Serena and she stood there staring at the open doors, waiting for her mind to register their meaning. She was there, there were truly no seconds thoughts. There weren't any second chances left, and no one more times. She felt as though she were walking towards her death, at least leaving the other half of her soul felt the same as being dead. She let the tears silently continue down her soft, pale skin, it's not as if they had ever stopped to begin with. She hated the fact that even her walking through these halls was a huge difference of what she use to do. She walked through halls that she had once skipped into, and uninterestedly passed the doors that she had once looked at with amazement. She remembered the countless times she had stood in front of each door, making up some faerie tale life for each of their inhabitants. She would guess that door 1011 was the home of a future punk star because of the loud music that always blared through the doors. Door 1013 was the home of a loving family because of the soft music that came from inside, and the constant giggle of a four year old girl. And Door 1015... well that was the door of the man she loved. Door 1015 was at the very end of this long hallway and that was her first destination. The first destination in what would be the long journey of change and pain. As she came to a quiet stop in front of the door, she began to feel a mad tremble circulate through her body. As if her mind and body had finally understood her task and were both madly trying to stop her. Both mind and body futilely disagreed with the drastic step she was going to take and desperately tried to prevent her from doing it. Trembling hands reached into her coat pocket and took out an envelope. She had spent countless hours trying to get the letter into the envelope. Yes, many would of looked on in pity if they saw how many times she had put it inside and taken it back out. But once the letter were to be securely sealed into the envelope, then all would begin to take its route. And so it did. For here she was in front of Chiba Mamoru's door. She would leave this letter and move on. Never, ever to look back.   
  
She stared at the envelope that had her heart and soul poured out into it. This very envelope contained a letter that would finally bring Mamoru to understand everything she had felt throughout this time. Throughout EVERY time he had torn her heart into little pieces. She hopelessly had to let go of this past, of this present. Anything, absolutely anything had to be better than this. The constant hurt, the deep penetrating hurt in her heart needed to go away. It had all left a deep scar inflicted into the very tissues of her soul. She could no longer attempt to freeze the happy moments in order to make her life more bearable. She was slowly breaking down, and she had become bitter. Bitter that he could not have loved her, needed her like she had always needed him. She had given him so much and what had she gotten? A few moments of happiness quickly squashed by all the hurt and pain. She missed who he use to be. He use to truly be her prince, he made her smile Not CRY! The past has become just that, the past. She felt as though she were being crushed to death, so much that she could not breathe. The weight of the world had never been as heavy as this, as her poor, tortured broken heart.   
  
She gently placed the letter in front of his door and prepared to ring the bell. She would just leave the letter, she could not bare to see his face. The face that always contorted into one of disgust and hatred whenever he laid eyes on her. 'Hurry up' she berated with herself. She quickly rang the bell three times and made a mad dash towards the elevator.  
  
When Mamoru heard the door ring he quickly put down his physics book and ran for the door. All he saw when he opened it were two pigtails as the elevator quickly shut closed behind them. 'Oh Usako, what am I doing to you?' As he was about to go back into his apartment he saw a pink envelope on the floor. He bent down to pick it up and clearly saw his name written on it in perfect handwriting. Chiba Mamoru. Ouch, that hurt. Would he ever hear her call him Mamo-chan again? He entered his apartment and quickly shut the door behind him. He sat on his comforter and prepared to read Usagi's heartfelt pleas for his love.   
  
****Of all the things I've believed in****  
  
*************************************  
  
Author's Note: I was planning to write more but I thought I could start the next chapter with that. Umm.. I didn't mean to make Mamoru to sound conceited at the end but yeah. I bet alot of you are guessing why he broke up with her!!! Hahah, because remember this is after Galaxia and all them people. No more battles!! So what would it be?? Wanna give me some of your thoughts?! Allright, well PLEASE REVIEW! I love reviews. Woo! Im actually proud of myself for finally getting this out although its not THAT great. Thanks again for all the support.  
  
~Belle~ 


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